------------------------------- GRADUATION -- THE DRINKING GAME ------------------------------- The following items are necessary for game play: Either a spot amongst all the other graduates or a ticket for the audience. Robe, cap, and all the other paraphernalia (if a graduation candidate). A lot of beer. Take a drink whenever a speaker uses the words: - bright future - budgeting time - debt (see also below) - deserving - drinking - endurance - faculty - finally / at last - fond memories - fraternity - friendship - future - hard work - honor - interest, -ing - job - knowledge - late nights/all-nighters - love of learning - party - perseverance - preparation - sacrifice - sorority - study/studies - support - tuition - vision - volunteer - work Take three drinks when someone quotes: - Lydia Moss Bradley - Martin A. "Party Marty" Abegg - any other former president of the university - any of our country's Founding Fathers - a current rock hit Slam one whenever a speaker: - mentions the "great debt we/you owe our/your parents." - makes a cute remark about the length of time it takes to graduate nowadays (eg., "your six or seven years here"), (slam and a half if that person has been out of college for more than two years) - makes a cute remark about how hard it is to find a job right now (slam and a half if that person gets paid simply to be important). - makes a serious remark about how hard it is to find a job right now. - mentions how many National Merit Scholars there are in this graduating class. - mentions any of the different surveys that rank colleges and universities. - implies that college in general, and your institution in particular, is still affordable. Slam two whenever a speaker: - implicitly or explicitly implies that the number of National Merit Scholars in this class is a measure of the quality of education this class received at your institution. Whenever a speaker makes a comment that is completely meaningless and obviously intended only to draw laughs, drink until the laughter dies out. Whenever a graduate's friends and relatives are tacky enough to cheer/yell/etc. when their name is read, drink until they stop. Drink until you lose it whenever a speaker quotes the Grateful Dead. When in doubt, drink.